there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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