tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
