Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
