I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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