so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Randomize
