If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I need to calm my uterus...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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