smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
