You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
