I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize