she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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