Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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