I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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