If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
