Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
