last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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