He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
