Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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