my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
