Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
