I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize