so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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