i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
