Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize