Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm having to shit out rocks
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