Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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