Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
