Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
