yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
