What a fucking waste of an outfit
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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