this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
