oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize