I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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