Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
