Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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