one two three fourrrrnication!
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
