WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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