This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
