Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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