You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
