that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
