Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
