So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
