I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
