I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
