im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
