Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
