So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
