is your mom at the bar?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
