Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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