How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
