i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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