i already hear my dad disowning me
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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