I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
