you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
