Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
