Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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