Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
