I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My bed smells like the plague
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
