You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
