I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
