How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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