Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You are the jesus of drinking
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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