Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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