Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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