We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
