she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
